“It’s scary, but do it anyway”

I bought a little calendar at Aldi the other day that has all these motivational quotes for each day. I figured, maybe this will help pull me out of my slump? I don’t know if it’s the zodiac affect (where everything is so vague that of course it can easily be related back to your life and just what you needed to hear), but it was exactly what I needed to hear.

With everything going on lately in politics, we find ourselves in hot topic conversations more often than not. And in these conversations, it feels that currently as a nation we are the most divided we’ve ever been. Anything and everything surrounding politics is taken/delivered as a personal attack and it’s seemingly getting us nowhere. How did we get here? When did we lose the ability to have differences without taking personal offense?

Let me start off by saying I have completely underestimated how much time is actually consumed when you’re moving into a new house, chasing a toddler, husband starting a new job, and navigating your second pregnancy. Spoiler alert - it is a LOT. However, my blog remains my one vice where I feel like I can just write down my thoughts - even if no one is really reading.

This month’s topic has been on my mind for quite some time now. It’s something you’re always told and know to look out for, but it doesn’t really hit you until you’re in the thick of it and realize just how much of yourself you’re still working on. I’m talking about triggers. My main experience has been while parenting, but triggers can come into play with literally any relationship you have. It just so happens that it kinda smacks you in the face a littttttle bit harder when it’s your mini-me showing you what those actually are.

We’ve got our enneagrams, our zodiac signs, personality types, and so on and so on and so on… All of these are little online assessments that you can take to better understand your psyche and frankly, why you are the way you are! I personally love all these types of tests. I don’t force myself to fit into the little box that they offer nor do I lean on it to explain away my internal or external conflicts, but rather to better understand myself. Have a bit of an explanation and awareness for what makes me tick. I also think it shines a light on a lot of things that are experienced/thought and makes you feel less crazy. Or maybe more seen? Definitely less alone.

As January comes to an end, so does the first month of the “New Year/New You” mantra. For me, it’s interesting to see the New Year resolutions that are seemingly the easiest on paper, turn out to be the hardest. It’s a known fact that physical exercise and eating healthy are big adjustments and take quite the commitment in order for you to see any results; however, no one really talks about healing or working on your mental health and what to expect. Across social media, you see people talk about how they started meditating daily, doing yoga, breathing exercises, physical activity, writing positive sayings on their mirror - and voila! It worked for them and magically fixed. Then you go to do it and think - what the hell am I doing wrong?? This shit is hard! No amount of post-its are keeping my thoughts constantly positive throughout the day. Yeah, maybe these things work for people, but what’s failed to be mentioned is what actually turns these rituals into routine.

Ahhh, the last post of the year. I did it! I made 12 posts in a year, one for each month (we won’t mention that I’ve been playing a game of catch up with each month haha!) and it was soooo much fun that I think I’m going to try and keep it going for 2022! I’m kinda the worst at keeping New Year’s resolutions, so it makes me very happy that I was actually able to keep this one. On my own site nonetheless! And thank YOU to everyone who actually takes the time to read my craziness. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Applause all around!

My whole life I’ve been deemed as a “calm” person. In job interviews I’ve been told multiple times that I had this sense of calm about me. Through friends, they mention that I bring this calm/stillness to conversations and honestly? I love hearing it. But do I actually relate to it? Not at all. Because of this, I’ve always felt that I’ve tamed myself so well because if they were inside my head at any given moment, they would not see it as calm. So how on earth am I exuding calm when my mind is going a million miles a minute? What I’ve done is I’ve become an expert at internalizing every single emotion that all that’s left for the outside world to see, is something emotionless. And when I do have emotions, I QUICKLY reel them in and more often than not, get labeled as “not acting myself” because it’s the first time anyone has seen just how “big” my emotions can get.