This Too Shall Pass

Life feels heavy lately,

And beautiful all at the same time.

Like waves crashing against a cliff so innately,

Yet calm glass gleaming with the sunshine.

It feels strange to feel two opposites at once,

Being trapped in my own mind.

As if I somehow summoned this seance.

Between the cruel and the thoughts left behind.

It's all stages and phases throughout this crazy life,

With kids, with myself, in happiness and in strife.

But I'm not sad, nor mad, nor particularly happy,

I'm just stuck in this spot,

Where my mind seems to trap me.

It's a place of fear that I've found in this hole,

Fear of missing, of passing, of growing old.

I want to pause it so badly,

And hold on so tight,

But then fast forward so quickly through each lonely night.

Happiness, it terrifies me right down to my core,

It means I have so much to lose and so much to try and absorb.

I want to take it all in, every smile, giggle, and laugh,

Every single "I love you" moment, making a mental photograph.

But I sit on top of the fence rather than just jumping to one side,

Because this happiness is too good and too easy to just take in stride.

"This too shall pass" is meant for the bad,

But it happens to work exactly the same way when I'm feeling glad.

My mind seems to keep this phrase playing on repeat,

Through the good and the bad without skipping a beat.

So I sit here terrified to fully jump in,

Because the what ifs flood my mind to make the happy feel like a sin.

But that's no way to live - on the edge of big emotions,

To protect yourself from life and all of the commotion.

I teach this to my kids in every single breakdown,

Yet somehow I can't bring myself to come back around.

The beauty and the struggles are laid out right in front of me,

And my mind can't seem to decipher which is the enemy.

This thinking is exhausting and entirely too heavy,

The weight to be perfect and healed already.

But this too shall pass,

This moment of sticky,

Because I can feel the grass,

As I jump down so quickly.

I've picked my side to sometimes crash and others glide,

Along with the waves on this beautiful ride.