Connected or Addicted?

For a society that is more connected than ever, it sure seems as though we’re mentally more divided, anxious, depressed, and lonelier than ever. Is the flip side to this coin, addiction? And is it really worth it?

Recently I had the pleasure of watching a new documentary on Netflix called “The Social Dilemma”. Which, without ruining anything, goes deep into the ways social media was designed to “hack” our brains and time while also acknowledging the counter-argument that we are now more connected than ever, which can be a very good thing! This documentary was really timely for me and kept my brain spiraling after watching it.

Since my daughter being born, I have made the decision to keep her off of social media as much as I possibly can. By no means do I disagree with those that put their children all over social media. It’s a great way to keep family updated and fun to post the milestones! I just personally choose not to because I had the realization that our children will be the first generation to be on the internet since basically conception. You see the life of the couple, the pregnancy, and then the child. And that’s terrifying to me. I look at it the same way I look at getting your ears pierced. Now, I know there are traditions where moms will pierce their daughters ears when they’re babies, but I don’t agree with that because the child can’t (and doesn’t) have a say in it. The same way they don’t have a say in being on the internet. Millennials are a generation where we had a childhood pre and post internet. Therefore, we actively had the choice to join any social media. So in high school, I made a Myspace (am I aging myself?) account and put myself on the internet. I choose everyday since then to put certain aspects of my life on the internet. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have my life already documented for all to see before I even really developed a personality. Which is why I choose to try and keep my daughter off social media so that she can actively make that choice on whether or not she even wants to be on the internet when the time comes. And I say “try” because it’s very hard and very awkward to tell people to not post pictures of your child. They immediately get defensive or think you’re being this weird “they’re out to get us” person (I promise, I’m not). I get that people want to document their life and meeting your child is a part of their life. I’m not trying to hide the fact that I have a daughter or keep her incognito by putting an emoji over her face for family photos. I just want to do my best in protecting her identity so she can make her own decisions on how much she wants to share. So, long story short, I have made the decision to try as hard as I can to limit my daughters presence on social media. Which in turn, made me reconsider my own.

The documentary interviews many people that were integral parts in creating Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. and I think the line that stuck with me the most was from the creator of the ‘like’ button. He says that in making the like button, he saw it as a way to promote love and happiness - never once imagining that it would lead to teens being more depressed than they have been in ages due to not getting enough likes. That their worth would be valued based off the number of likes they receive. That is what I mean in we are only looking at one side of the coin, not realizing the major consequences on the other side. The creators created an algorithm to hack our brains and feed the same receptors that trigger an addiction, without even knowing what they were really creating.

So my thought was, what did we do before social media? What if we took a bomb ass photo of ourselves or our family? Did we just…keep it to ourselves…? Is that even a thing? Haha!! And that thought process is exactly how I realized I may have a problem. The fact that my first thought is “I need everyone to see and like this” is where the algorithm has me hacked. It’s where our confidence in ourselves falls and we crave this validation through hundreds of “friends” online. And that just can’t be healthy. And you may be reading this and think “a little hypocritical for someone writing a blog and posting it on the internet”, in which - you are right. I do see the irony; however, I strongly feel as though I’m writing/promoting this in hopes of reaching others with the same issues, thoughts, questions that I have. I’m looking to the connection side of the coin and honestly…I’m really not that popular. In my mind, I’m writing into the “great unknown” and see it as a way to get my thoughts out on “paper” and out into the universe. I personally believe that where the addiction kicks in - is when we crave validation, through these platforms, of our successes (job, life, looks, etc.) from those we barely even know.

I knew from the get go that I was going to “protect” my daughter and not post her all over social media - so where was that protection for myself? For my mental health? I truly do enjoy sharing photos and updates with friends and family, but the line of where connection ends and addiction begins is very blurry.