Parenting 101
We’ve all sat around a table, drinks in hand, chatting with friends about the things we 100% absolutely won’t do as parents. Things like “I’ll never ever use a screen to distract my child”, “I’ll never let my child sleep in my bed!”, and “I won’t let my kid see me lose my cool”. Yes, all of the “I’ll never” statements. Ahhh, what a blissful time to live in. Pre-baby, these are all completely doable in our minds and we truly have good intentions set out for these “never” moments. However, post-baby? HA! I’m a completely different person post-baby. And I felt this obligation to warn my friends that haven’t had children yet to just wait, but of course they see themselves as the exception to the rule. Which is great! Please let them live in that state of mind for as long as possible. Because soon enough you both will be texting each other midst your third breakdown of the week, with your baby laying on your chest in your bed with Doc McStuffins on in the background to help put them to sleep.
It happens to everyone. Even I too was a “never” sayer before I had my daughter. I too would feel embarrassed for the poor woman with the screaming child in the grocery store. Now? Now I pull up beside that woman with my daughter in tow saying “don’t worry - we were there 10 minutes ago. You got this mama!” It’s not even a long fall from that fantasy land that your child will listen to and do everything you need them to at the exact moment you need them to. You forget about your “nevers” and enter a stage of survival mode. And you actually find yourself being completely quiet at the table now. Just sipping your drink, smiling, while you listen to all the “nevers” that your friends have to offer. Just knowing that they too will soon join you in smiling and silence.
From the beginning our children teach us lessons of letting go. Birth plans? Psh, yeah HOKAY. If you have one or are someone who makes them, more power to ya, but that is the first thing that tends to go awry. Due dates? Statistically, there’s a 4-5% chance that you’ll give birth on your actual due date. Schedules? It’s almost as if our children have a sixth sense. As soon as you have a steady schedule and feel confident in your days, it’s like they know and literally the next day they change it all up on you. Sleeping? Well we all know that’s a complete joke. You have sleep regressions at 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12 months? Yeah, just tell it to us straight doc…we ain’t sleeping for a year. So through all of this we learn to let go of expectations, judgement, and all the “nevers” we dreamt of. Instead, we lean into the chaos. We forget about the stockpiled laundry that needs to be folded while we rock our baby to sleep in our arms. We live in a mess of toys and dishes piling up while we chase our children around filling the house with those sweet, sweet baby giggles. We forget about needing to mop the floors while we sit across our child getting the chance to share and experience new foods together. This chaos that we lean into, is life.
So my advice for parenting? Forget literally any plan or “never” that you had. Hold yourself to zero expectations, aside from completely loving your child. Give everything you have everyday. And lean into the chaos because I promise, you won’t remember the days of having a clean house or pride yourself in set rules. You’ll live for the giggles, the heartfelt moments, and the complete and utter chaos.
And if you do have it all completely figured out and each day goes exactly as you planned - please write a true Parenting 101 and let us all know what kind of sorcery you’ve tapped into LOL.
